I accidentally ate tofu – where’s my refund?

Too Late with Chris Devon EP35


Do you believe you have a right to a full refund if you order tofu by mistake? I was in a hurry and visited a cafe. And I stepped up to the counter, where there was only one menu. But it was right next to the cash register. And the charming lady at the counter was ready to receive my order.

I wasn’t prepared to make one. But I was the awkward, awkward guy. You know, the uncomfortable Englishman. You know, he has no idea what to do with himself. Not strong enough to say… “We only need a few minutes, okay?” The words slipped from my mouth. So I just said, “Can I have the burrito, please?” and ordered the first thing I saw on the menu. I didn’t really want a burrito, but I enjoy them. So I thought, you know what, for a last-minute panicky decision, I did quite well there.

She delivers me the burrito, which looks delicious. It comes with tater tots, and she asked if you wanted regular mayo or vegan mayo. Now that I think about it… vegan mayo tastes better than regular mayo. Don’t bother asking me how or why. And I have no idea what vegan mayo is made of. I mean, it’s clearly not made of eggs. It’s constructed of something.Everything from Enya’s U Bend? I’m not entirely sure. But it’s fantastic. So, you know what I said? I’ll take your offer. Give us the vegan mayonnaise, please. Let’s get started. Let’s do it, shall we?

So she brings me the vegan mayo, and I’m munching on my tater tots. I’m chewing on this wrap and thinking, mmm, this halloumi is off. It’s tofu, not halloumt. I’m not saying tofu is a bad thing; it’s just that, as far as burritos go, the burrito didn’t really taste of anything. I didn’t want to return it, but I do have some regrets. As if it were a waste of an afternoon.

Tofu is given a hard time, yet tofu does not help itself. If you’re a piece of tofu in a restaurant kitchen, as part of a vegetarian or vegan choice on the menu, and you’re there debating upcoming projects, dinners you’re about to participate in, and you’re conversing with the other ingredients and discussing the best way to be cooked and prepared with the chefs. And you’re advising on how you want to be sliced, cut, cooked, seasoned, or anything, it might sound something like this.

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